Christmas: The time when everyone gets Santamental.
The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.
Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gambel?
It's true....Comet cleans sinks!
How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!
How would you fire Santa?
Give him the sack...
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missle toe!
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A subordinate Claus.
If Santa rode a motorcycle, what kind would it be?
A Holly Davidson.
The 3 stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus.
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.
He is Santa Claus.
What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?
Have an ice day!
What did one angel say to the other angel?
Halo there!
What did one Christmas tree say to the other Christmas tree?
I really go fir you!
What did Santa say when his toys misbehaved?
Toys will be toys.
What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!!
What did the grape say to the raisin?
'Tis the season to be jelly.
What do aliens say when they land in the North Pole?
Take me to your heater.
What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards.
What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!
What do elves put on their candy canes?
Their tongues.
What do penguins ride?
Ice-Cycles.
What do the reindeer sing to Santa on his birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy claws.
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Nothing, you just run away!
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.
What do you call a snowman on roller blades?
Snow mobile.
What do you call the bells on Santa's sleigh?
Kringle bells.
What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him.
What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Kringle.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
Santa Clues.
What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month?
The letter "D".
What goes Ho-Thud, Ho-Thud, Ho-Thud?
Santa Claus jumping rope.
What happens when you drop a snowball into a glass of water?
It gets wet.
What is a computer's favorite Christmas carol?
Array in a Manger.
What is a skunk's favorite holiday song?
Jingle Smells.
What is black and white and found in the Sahara Desert?
A VERY lost penguin.
What is black and white and green and black and white?
Two penguins fighting over a pickle.
What is claustrophobia?
Fear of Santa.
What is Santa's favorite breakfast cereal?
Frosted Flakes.
What is Frosty's favorite breakfast cereal?
Snow Flakes.
What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.
What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
"Do I have to eat my Brussel sprouts?"
Where do you go to get holly for Christmas?
The Holly-land.
Where is the best place to put your Christmas tree?
After your Christmas one and your Christmas two.
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
Santa Jaws.
Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?
To get a root canal.
Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because the angel had said,"No L!"
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.
Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Why is it so cold on Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!
Why is the month of December so popular?
It has a lot of dates.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
